I allowed no room for learning, and growing through all the changes I was experiencing. I expected that I should already know how to be a success at all these new things.
Something I’ve noticed over the years, with myself and with friends, we are so much kinder, and gentler with our words to friends and family that are struggling and going through hard times than we are with ourselves and with our self-talk.
The years where I was going through my divorce, had moved to a new city, and was going through multiple changes all at the same time was a really difficult time. It felt like everything was hard. I would tell myself: “It should be easier”, “I should do better at _________”, “Why can’t I just ________, like other people”. I was harsh and critical and put a lot of blame and conditions on myself. I allowed no room for learning, and growing through all the changes I was experiencing. I expected that I should already know how to be a success at all these new things.
Then I listened to how my friends talked to me, the words they used. “You’ll get through this”, “It’s only a season, and seasons change”, “You’re doing great, just keep going”. They were giving me words of encouragement and support. When I listened, the struggle was still there, but bearable. So, I decided I was talking to myself the wrong way. I borrowed my friends’ words and phrases and told those things to myself. It became easier still to bear the struggle, to work through the difficult times.
I encourage you, to talk to yourself the way you would talk to your friends, with words of support and encouragement. Be gentle with yourself and the words you say to yourself.